Moving into the hotel tomorrow...

Everything that is staying here at Riley is in the storage shed and everything that I'm taking to the hotel (then to Illinois) with us is packed and ready to go. Al packed his A bag and his ruck sack and is going to pack his personal bag tonight. We are staying here in the apartment tonight on an air mattress then move into the hotel tomorrow. We will stay in a hotel till he leaves. We still don't have an exact "D" date. I'm relieved that the house is packed and that everything that needed to get done is done but it's also kind of a sad feeling because we are so close to the next step, him leaving. Albert's dad and his g/f came today to help us load the heavy things into the truck then unload them into the storage shed. We had a late lunch with them, it was a good visit. Tomorrow I think we are going to go to the Apple Festival and just try to have a bit of fun and then Monday Albert's mom gets here. I'm really not sure what our game plan is after that.....hopefully we will just be able to make some really good memories and take in every single second that we have before he has to go. I'm not sure if we will have internet at the hotel, if we do I'll be on here but if we don't I won't be back on till we get back to my parents house in IL.

Having a minor meltdown right now....

Albert will be gone by this time next week. We've got pretty much everything in the apartment packed and will be loading our life treasures onto a truck and droping them off at the storage shed on Saturday. This is so random but I almost feel like I'll be putting my life in storage for the next year also. I remember last deployment I had such a hard time getting away from the computer for fear that I would miss him on yahoo messenger. I longed for any connection I had with him. I'm pretty upset right now about the unit he got placed in. They don't seem to have their head on strait and I can honestly say that from what I've seen so far, I fear Albert going to war with them. I didn't have these feelings when he deployed with 642nd last time and it really scares me that I have have them this time. I think that the army gives you one big favor in your whole career and I think we might have cashed ours in. Albert getting to stay back when Bree was born was huge and I wouldn't trade it for the world although at the same time ever since we moved here we haven't been able to catch a break. Today for example, his whole unit is getting half day (tomorrow too) and who did they pick to go to an all day class.....yep, Albert. Not only is this his last Thursday and Friday here, when the rest of the guys are at home with their families mine is stuck in some redundant class trying not to fall asleep. He hasn't even had his 12 month dwell time and they are sending him again, which is fine, ok, I can deal with that. They get him for another whole year, I'm just asking that he is treated as fairly as the other guys in his unit who get to spend their last week getting half days and making memories with thier families-I think reality just hit that he is leaving again and there is nothing I can even do about it. I feel like everything in my life right now is out of control. It's like I'm at a movie theatre watching my own life. I just want to cry, i'm so overwhelmed with emotion right now.

Our Leave in Illinois

We just got back to Fort Riley last night after spending 9 days home in Illinois on leave. We usually stay with my parents but they just bought a new house and are gutting it so we ended up staying with Alberts G-Ma. She rocks. All in all it was a great visit. We got family pictures done by the same guy that did our wedding back in 04' and I can't wait to see how they turned out. I got Bree a new outfit and Albert brought his new set of acu's to wear for the pics. and of course neither Bree nor Albert could fit into their designated clothes on picture day! lol Needless to say I didn't get the pictures I wanted but I guess these were the pictures we were ment to have. I'll post them as soon as he gets them up on his website. Yesterday morning before we left we got everyone in both of our families together for breakfast as it was the last time everyone would see Albert until this stupid dumb deployment is over. Everyone stood in a circle as Grandpa prayed for us to have a safe trip home and that Albert be protected while over-there. Everyone hugged us and I could see the tears well up as they hugged Albert and the pitty in their eyes as they hugged me. I had this huge overwhelming urge to cry but I held it together as I'm sure I'll have to do many more time throughout this coming year. Aubree did great on the trip. She didn't sleep much which turned out to be a good thing because when we got back here to Kansas she crashed out hard core and didn't wake up till almost 10am today. We move out of our apartment on the 29th and will be staying in a hotel until he leaves then Bree and I will drive back to Illinois and stay. Alberts deployment ceremony date has changed and is now on the 30th, time is just going way to fast.

He's Leaving soon....

Albert hasn't even been home for a year yet and he leaves for Iraq again in x days. I'm so overwhelmed. I have so many emotions right now. I thought that the first deployment would be harder then the second but someone up there is trying to prove me wrong. Albert is my best friend and I'm not ready to say goodbye yet.. I am so blessed to have him as a husband but sometimes I feel so cheated. Sometimes I wish we were a normal family. Sometimes I would give anything just to know that we were going to be able to be together. No special training out in the field for weeks, no deployments, just him and I working our asses off to pay bills even if it means just scraping by, even if it means going into debt. I would do anything just to make sure that he is safe. I hate that he's gone every other year. I hate that he misses out on Aubree. I hate that he misses out on me. I hate that Aubree and I miss out on him. Most of all I hate thinking that he might not make it home to us. He's such a good daddy and such an amazing husband. I know this military lifestyle is something we have chosen to do as a family and have been doing for the last few years but sometimes I just don't feel strong enough. Sometimes I just don't feel like I can pull this off. How am I supposed to tell Aubree that daddy is at work every day for the next year? How do I explain that to a 2 year old? They are so close. I just dread him leaving again. The tension between Albert and I is so thick right now, as it always is before he leaves us. I tend to nit-pick at the small dumb stuff that doesn't even matter. I grasp for anything that gives me any control in my life as I often feel like all of the decisions are made for us and feel as if I have no say as to what is to come. Our house is filled with boxs right now, just waiting to pack our whole life into a storage shed and put everything on hold for yet another year. Aubree and I are moving back home to Illinois as we have a great support system there. We are so blessed that we have such a loving family, so why is it that I feel so sad right now. I'm so let down. I'm so mad. I'm so..... I don't even know what I am. I'm going to miss my husband, my heart is breaking and he isn't even gone yet.